Currently, this has been the vibe
Disclaimer: I am not some spiritual guru. I am a human being who makes a shit ton of mistakes. I am very flawed; however, I strive to be a better version of myself every day. So if this blog comes off as “your holiness guru spiritual yogi monk”, just know that is not my intention, these are just my thoughts from a life reflection at 2 am.
I turned 20 last April, and before I turned 20, I was having a lot of anxiety, the feeling of a runway to chase my dreams slowly decreasing in length.
I felt like I needed to get my shit together, even though it was quite together… well, I don’t know, I am kinda all over the place, to be honest.
I am now 21.
I find blogging about my life during late night is the best time, it’s when I’m most honest, or I guess, more authentic with myself. I don’t know what it is, but during the day, I mainly think with my head, and in the nighttime, it’s more with both my heart and mind.
I’m working on being more open and out there. I think for the first time in my life I feel I’m actually getting to a place where I’m genuinely detached from what people think, and just want to do what makes me happy.
Sort of smiling during the chaotic moments.
I’m trying to become more light-hearted, to not take things so seriously, and chase my dreams with focus and determination but also while smiling, knowing the journey will be the most memorable part of my success.
I guess I’m trying to sort of balance being both. To get through life you’ve got to be tough, but what’s the point of being so tough and not enjoying the little things that make this life beautiful? So, I guess my goal, is to sort of bring out the truly authentic version of me. I sort of wear a mask sometimes, and I guess I’m just sick of it. I really am. I’m just someone who needs love, like every other human being on earth.
That’s part of the reason I do comedy because I feel laughing is a great way to go through life. I act because I find for me, it is the most meaningful and purposeful profession I can do. I feel it is my calling.
Not many people know this, but since I was young, I always loved acting. My brother and I would take our dad’s camera and film movie scenes. I would always be the actor and he would be the director.
I would fiddle with iMovie, and other software like SaberFX to make it look like I was blocking bullets with my lightsaber. I used to memorize monologues in my room and just spit them out in front of the mirror.
I’d start redoing a scene from a movie I watched. I’d pretend I was in a movie scene and I was crying about something. It just sort of came naturally to me, it’s all I wanted to do and still is.
I guess I just want to… feel again. I’ve been the tough guy, I am the tough guy, I guess it really has its baggage, I like also being the 5-year-old me. The flowing kid who just did what he wants, laughing while doing it. Looking at life with a different lens. Everything I have is from God. You know, my grandfather always compliments me by mentioning that I have friends and people like hanging out with me. The truth is, I am not worthy of any praise, only God is.
Everything I have is because of God's love and guidance, so whenever people say good things about me, it’s only God’s doing. God has shown me once again, I can climb the highest mountains, and swim in the deepest seas, but the only reason why I can do so, why I am even capable of doing so, is because of his grace. I feel low because I have come to that humbling realization again. I am nothing without God, and whatever success I achieve in this world, will only be because of God.
So, if anyone wants to as how I got that Oscar, made over 1 billion dollars, and sold out crowd events, it’s because of God. I made a deal with God. The almighty, I gave my soul back to him and said take it.
Today, instead of a quote, let’s end with this prayer:
Oh Lord, I am nothing without you, and I aim to fulfill your purpose on this earth, I may fail over and over again, but I will always turn to you, for you are my creator, my teacher, my will for living, my savior, my best friend, my Lord. So, I will call upon your name, to keep my eyes above the rain, my soul will rest in your embrace, I am yours, and you are mine.
Stay strong everyone. life is beautiful. just take a deep breath and live in the moment, because that’s what life is made up of, a series of small, yet beautiful moments.
Greatness is coming.
Habib out…(drops mic)
